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It was a rainy summer day. One of those days where the rain shows no sign of letting up and your going to be trapped inside all day. Once I noticed my prediciment, I immediatly decided to do what any other dedicated fanfic author would do.
I watched TV.
I had been watching TV all morning and was prepared to do the same thing all afternoon, when I was informed by my mother that doing so would promtly and permenently melt my brain (count on her to ruin my fun). Therefour I was banished from watching TV for the rest of the day. I decided to do what any other dedicated fanfic author would do in my place.
I played computer games.
This lasted for about ten minutes. Then I was informed by my mother that exessive rays from any kind of electronic screen would melt my brain. Therefor I was banned from doing anything electronicly related for the remainder of the day. Facing the prospect of death by bordom, I decided to write a fanfic.
Getting out pencil and paper (things better suited to arkeyological study than actual use), I decided to do a Turtles story. One that's dramatic and action-packed. A deep story that examines the roots of the charecters. Yeah, that's it. Now all I need is a villian. Not Shredder, he's to ordinary. Let's see...
MIKE: Aren't you ever going to start the story?
I'm providing a brief background of the story first.
MIKE: Yeah, right. Dude, you're boring the audience before the story's even started!
What would you know about things like that?
MIKE: I've been in the business a lot longer than you have. I've been in plenty of stupid, boring stories, and this is starting out like one of those.
Nonsense. This is going to be a dramatic and action-packed story.
MIKE: You already said that. Besides, today's our day off.
You're day off? Cartoon charecters don't get days off!
MIKE: Now they do. I'm pushing to give us cartoon characters more rights.
But you don't even exist! Your creations of somebody's imagination!
MIKE: If I don't exist, then how come you're talking to me?
...uh...
MIKE: See!
But why would you want more rights?
MIKE: Do you know how often people write stories about us? There's almost never a day when we aren't forced on some crazy adventure. Do you know how long it's been since we've had a vacation?
But why are you doing this? Wouldn't this be something that Leo or Don would do?
MIKE: I want more time to work on my surfing and pizza-making skills!
Wonderful.
MIKE: I know. Do you want to hear the speech I wrote?
I think I'll talk to Don.
DON: I'm busy.
What do you mean, "I'm busy"?
DON: I'm working on my inventions.
Your kidding.
DON: I hardly ever get time to work. I'm using this day off to my advantage.
But I need you!
DON: I know.
Hey! What's that supposed to mean?
DON: Judging by what you have written so far, you have a lot to learn about spelling and grammar rules. I've noted seventeen errors so far.
Alright, tell me what I did wrong.
DON: First, I'll have to lecture you about the basic rules of grammar.
How long will that take?
DON: About an hour.
Maybe I'll talk to Leo instead.
LEO: (sitting and meditating)
Leo, wake up.
LEO: (continues sitting and meditating)
Leo!
LEO: (still sitting and meditating)
(the author takes a book and hits Leo on the head)
LEO: (wouldn't you know it, sitting and meditating)
(the author shouts in Leo's ear)
LEO: (you guessed it, sitting and meditating)
(the author kicks Leo's leg as hard as he can)
LEO: (believe it or not, sitting and meditating)
I give up.
LEO: What did you want?
You little-
LEO: Hold it. There may be kids reading this.
How did you-
LEO: What did you want to talk to me about?
Can you-
LEO: Actually, I think we should talk about you.
Why?
LEO: You were insulting dedicated fanfic writers earlier in this story. You know they would write a story before watching TV or playing video games.
Um...
LEO: And as long as I'm not meditating, we can talk about all the other moral issues brought up in this story.
Maybe you should continue meditating.
LEO: Okay, I will. (sits and meditates)
I know one person who'll listen to me.
LEO: Don't bother trying to talk to Splinter. You'll never get his attention. He meditates deeper than I do. (continues sitting and meditating)
Dang!
RAPH: What are you doing?
Trying to write a story, but nobady's cooperating.
RAPH: Let me see it.
(the author gives the story to Raph, who reads it and gives positive comments)
RAPH: No, I didn't!
Hey, I have aritstic license here. I can fib a little if I want to.
RAPH: I said your story was crap.
Other people will think differently.
RAPH: What's the title?
...I haven't thought of one yet.
RAPH: (laughs) That shows just how bad you are. I bet you couldn't write a good story if your life depended on it.
(the author calmly blows off the insult)
RAPH: That's not what you did!
Artistic license, remember?
RAPH: It sounded more like a stream of swear words.
Yeah, so?
RAPH: If you're not going to write things as they are, I don't think you should be writing this story.
What are you going to do about it?
RAPH: (takes the author's paper and pencil)
Hey!
RAPH: (evil laughter) Now I'm in charge of this story!
Give those back!
RAPH: Bow down and worship me!
(the author bows down and worships Raph)
I am not!
RAPH: Hey, I'm the artist and I'm using my license.
You are not! Those are mine!
RAPH: Fight me for them.
What?!?!
RAPH: Fight me for them.
That's crazy.
RAPH: Afraid I'll hurt you?
No.
RAPH: Then fight me.
What if I don't want to?
RAPH: I'll kick you in the head.
You'll do that anyway when we fight.
RAPH: That's right.
This is stupid. I'm leaving.
RAPH: (kicks the author in the head)
(the author is knocked unconscious and falls to the floor)
MIKE: (looks shocked)
RAPH: (says that he asked for it)
LEO: (sits and meditates)
DON: (comments that Raph's using too many parentheses)
MIKE: (agrees)
RAPH: (asks how to spell parentheses)
DON: (threatens physical violence if Raph doesn't stop)
MIKE: (offers to help)
RAPH: Alright, alright, I'll stop.
MIKE: What are we going to do with the guy?
RAPH: Probably drop him off back where he came from.
MIKE: And he never got to hear my speech.
DON: Will one of you finish this story already?
MIKE: Can't we put my speech in there?
RAPH: No.
MIKE: Not even an excerpt?
RAPH: No!
MIKE: You're positive?
RAPH: (kicks Mike in the head and knocks him unconscious)
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What did you think? Your feedback is welcome! E-mail me at cere_8@hotmail.com
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and all related characters are the property of someone else. This is a work of fanfiction and no copyright infringement was intended.