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Bob
By Cere

              This is the story about a guy named Bob. He was a simple person, as reflected by his simple name. He was very quiet and preferred to listen whenever there was a conversation going on. He wasn't very opinionated, and couldn't carry on a debate to save his life. He preferred to live his simple life in his simple home on 324 8th Street.
              Bob was a very normal person, which was a shame because he lived in the magical land of Mandrat. Absolutely nothing normal happened in Mandrat. The sky was orange, grass was electric blue, and everyone was over ten feet tall. Everyone, that is, except Bob.
              One beautiful morning, Bob walked out his simple door of his simple house and walked down the simple path to his simple mailbox to get his mail. He gathered the vast assortment of letters in his hand and walked back to his house, shuffling through his mail as he walked. He got about halfway to the door before a dimensional anomaly spontaneously popped out of thin air and sucked up Bob.
              Millions of miles away, in the land of Snorflax, a dimensional anomaly spontaneously popped out of thin air and spit out a slightly frazzled Bob. "Well," he said, "haven't gone through one of those before." He sighed. "So many weird things in this place. I don't think I'll ever get used to it."
              He looked around at the place that would probably now be his new home. A rather desolate place, he thought. Absolutely no sign of life anywhere. Only miles and miles of desert.
              But this wasn't a desert like you and I know. In this desert, the sand was bright pink, and the only sky that wasn't covered in black clouds was a strange brownish color. A sharp wind constantly blew at Bob, and he was forced to realize that he faced a very big chance of not being able to attend the staff meeting tomorrow.
              "Why did this have to happen to me anyway?" he asked no one in particular. "I was particularly looking forward to that meeting."
              At that moment, another dimensional anomaly (awful lot of those around these days) spontaneously popped out of thin air and sucked up Bob again. Millions of miles away, by strange coincidence, the dimensional anomaly dropped Bob back in Mandrat exactly two feet away from where he'd been a minute ago.
              "Well, that was a really stupid adventure," he said, at which time a large tuba fell from the sky and landed on Bob's head. That's his punishment for criticizing me, the most awesome author in the history of...no, wait! Leave me alone! Get away from me! The men in the white coats have come and I have no defense! NOOOOOOOOO!!!

 


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Bob is owned by me, and...oh, hell, what do I care. Who actually reads these?