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Things to Do in Class
- Sit in the front row and spend the lecture filing your teeth into sharp points.
- Sit in the front and color in your textbook.
- Introduce yourself to the class as the "master of the pan flute".
- Wear earmuffs. Every few minutes, ask the professor to speak louder.
- Squint thoughtfully while giving the professor strange looks. In the middle of the lecture, tell him he looks familiar and ask if he was ever in an episode of Starsky and Hutch.
- Sing your questions.
- Speak only in rhymes and hum the Brady Bunch theme.
- When the professor calls roll, after each name scream, "THATS MEEEEE! Oh, no, sorry."
- Page through the textbook scratching each picture and sniffing it.
- Hold up a piece of paper that says in large letters "CHECK YOUR FLY".
- Inform the class that you are Belgian royalty, and have a friend bang cymbals together whenever your name is spoken.
- Address the professor as "Your Excellency".
- Sit in the front, sniff suspiciously, and ask the professor if he's been drinking.
- Shout "WOW!" after every sentence of the lecture.
- Ask whether you have to come to class.
- Present the professor with a large fruit basket.
- Bring a "seeing eye rooster" to class.
- Watch the professor through binoculars.
- Ask to introduce your "invisible friend" in the empty seat beside you, and ask for one extra copy of every handout.
- When the professor turns on his laser pointer, scream "AAAGH! MY EYES!"
- Correct the professor at least ten times on the pronunciation of your name, even if it's Smith. Claim that the "i" is silent.
- As soon as the first bell rings, volunteer to put a problem on the board. Ignore the professor's reply and proceed to do so anyway.
- Claim that you wrote the class textbook.
- Claim to be the teaching assistant. If the real one objects, jump up and scream "IMPOSTER!"
- Spend the lecture blowing kisses to other students.
- Stand to ask questions. Bow deeply before taking your seat after the professor answers.
- Interrupt every few minutes to ask the professor, "Can you spell that?"
- Wink at the professor every few minutes.
- In the middle of the lecture, ask your professor whether he believes in ghosts.
- Laugh heartily at everything the professor does. Snort when you laugh.
- Wear a black hooded cloak to class and ring a bell.
- Ask whether the first chapter will be on the test. If the professor says no, rip the pages out of your textbook.
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